addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
