if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize