Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
