the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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