I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
