Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
