She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
