My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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