I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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