My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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