True but thats because hes a fetus.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
