The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
