Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
