THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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