Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
