Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
