Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
