i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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