2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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