It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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