Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize