What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
