So drunk its hurt
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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