I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
