literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
