he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
