I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
