Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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