ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
