Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I forgot how hot balto sounded
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
