i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
