Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
