Banned from zoo.
Again?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
