I'll bet she douches with gravy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
