He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
