He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize