sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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