Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
