my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
