You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
