bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize