he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
