my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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