I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just had sex on a roof
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
