Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
