i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
