just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
