Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
