How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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