She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
