I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
