First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
