Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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