Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
