I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
