If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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