There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
