is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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