It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
