I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
