you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
