My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
