why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we're making bets on your personal life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
