So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
