I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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