Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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