We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
