i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
