im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
