Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
