Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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