when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
