If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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