you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
