Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I party with great urgency now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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