Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
