I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
