Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
