Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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