I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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