first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
