Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
