Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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