If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
