So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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