my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
worst night to have a conscience
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
