Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
