We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize