Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
