I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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