I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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