we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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