So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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